Stories to ponder.

The way of Shiva.

Somewhere in New York City, present time.  Around 2 am.

The apartment is truly a mess:  TV bashed in, things strewn on the floor, mirrors hanging on the wall cracked in two.  The apartment of a really angry and miserable person, a person who sits perfectly still on his living room chair now, a person whose thought is clear and peaceful now, a person who had a real awakening and feels… different…

 

Jesus!!!–  What da hell?!–  What happened?!–  What am I doing…?!  Why did I do that…?!  … Who am I…??  Am I one or two…??  I feel… I dunno.  I think I feel better now.  Jeez–  But who or what was that…??  I didn’t recognize him.  Man, this is crazy, and it was like I had a demon in me.  Perhaps a demon I had all along, but I had not realized it before.  But–But everything is so clear now.  And I don’t feel guilty.  I feel… I feel free, my mind feels so light, unburdened from the demon who was just a few seconds ago wreaking havoc.  The one who did this… in my mind and in my apartment…

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My life.  I have to do something about it, now that I can see clearly…  God–  My head.  I have to stand up from this chair and walk around, be more in the present and try to emotionally connect to myself…  Ah!–  Funny.  And to think I had to hit rock bottom and try to kill myself to see this clearly, to think this clearly…  “Shiva, The destroyer”–The old must be destroyed to build the new.  Ordinary must be replaced by extraordinary.  The mind elevates and the spiritual being is realized fully.  That’s the way of Shiva–  That crazy book, from that crazy guy, it had it right all along.  Yeah, I was so stupid.  Why was I that stupid…??  I don’t remember.  Praising those superficial people, wanting to be like them instead of being myself, eating like them, believing what they believed, visiting the places they visited.  Shit–  I can fly now, and I can be myself, and I feel more confident than ever…  Yes, definitely!  This is the start of a new life for me!

thr
“Shiva, The Destroyer of The Old and Builder Of the New.”

 

Several minutes earlier.  Climbing the stairs up to his apartment, taken by devil, really angry and cursing the very air he breathes…

 

Goddammit!–  I can’t…  God–  I can’t even breathe now.  Jesus–  The steps of the damn stairs!  I see blurry.  What is this?!  Why now…??  My heartbeat is really pounding this time.  But I just…  It was just some fun like always.  I loved the adrenaline.  The drugs.  The dancing.  The illegal racing.  And the girls…  Damn you–  I’m not…  I am better than this!  I am…  I just want to die.  Fortunately, I have that gun still sitting in my room.  Gotta try again.  Thought things would be better, but they are–they are… not…  The guys!–  My so called friends.  Shit!–  SLAMM!! 

I can’t even see clearly.  Dammit–  This is the living room.  And this rage!  GGOODD!!!  Fuck!…  Oh, shit.  Why me…??  … But, yeah.  It’s the only solution…  What is this?  My mother gave me this for Christmas.  Never used it.  Still has the fucking bow…  My mother.  She probably doesn’t need me that much.  What da fuck is my role in this family?!  I’m a loser anyway…  It’ll all be over soon…  SMASH!!!  I hate this TV!  It brought me so much confusion and I didn’t even know it back then.  I always hated myself for being the way I am!…  SMASH!!!  Well, there will be no bad luck from breaking this shitty mirror now that I will be fucking gone, will it?!

SMASH!!!  SMASH!!!  No one will treat me like that anymore!  It will stop all the pain and this… FUCKING RAGE!  SMASH!!!  … Yeah, and I wanted to start my own business!  Selling what?!–stupid real state?!  I didn’t even go to high school!!  Look at all this shit–  These stupid marketing plans, and these contracts…  GOD!–  Where’s that fucking gun?!  … Here it is…  The cold grip, the solution to my problems, fast and painless…  Jesus!  My–My hands.  I can’t–I can’t make ’em stop shaking!…  My thoughts.  Too fucking loud!  And my heart doesn’t stop!  AAGGGHHH!!!– 

BBAAAANNGG!!!  (…and so the bang of the gun was loud, but it slipped his clammy hand just in time, and shot through the window into the dark and fateful night…)

 

enlightenmentquote


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